September 7th, 2015. I leave with the Red Planet Expedition Tour on a 3 day guide to Salar de Uyuni & basically a bunch of other stuff I don’t even know or care about. I came here for 1 big reason and the salt flats are it! We set out and initially stop at a train graveyard.
Cool, surreal place, but again I can’t wait to see the salt flats. Screw these broken down trains. Just give me a motorcycle, point me in the direction and I’ll get lost for as long as I have to. However, I must admit this train graveyard looks really cool. I play and climb these trains like a little kid. I am so excited. I’m even wearing my favorite travel gear for the pictures I know I’ll take later of me, the salt flats, infinity & me.
After we leave the train graveyard we arrive in a little town where they make stuff out of the salt… AHHHHH can we just go to the flat! I don’t care about how salt gets inside of a bag! Get me to the flats!!! I smile through my exterior and patiently wait even longer for my destination. This is the one thing I hate about tours, subject to their schedule and random side tours that no one came here for. I would go off on my own if I knew any information of where to go to navigate the barren terrain to Chile. So for now this tour is a must.
Finally, we get to the edge of the flats. The salt here is a bit chunky in places. I see this cool mound with various poles and flags attached. Today is an especially windy day and the flags are flying. I wouldn’t have it any other way. The spirit of this place is as energetic as my own. Off we drive into nothingness.
We drive for about an hour and arrive in the middle of nowhere. I step out and look to the horizons… Nothing. Nothing whatsoever… and I love it! This is my dream. This is what I envisioned. I also think of how cool it’d be to come here after the flats flood in the summer rain season to see the reflection. Yet the beauty here is still unmatched. As I look to the horizon I think of all the time I’ve spent imagining this place. It is everything I wished for. I feel my mind freeing itself. After years of hard work, sacrifices for others as well as for myself, I finally made it here. I left everything at home for this.
I recall how for so long I’ve imagined my consciousness living within a silo with various openings to let just enough light and views in where I can see what’s outside. I’ve felt held back, contained, restricted, controlled, put down, smothered. This moment confirms my breaking free from everything. In this moment I showed myself something I’ve found so hard to do for most of my life, to show myself love. “I love you. You are a good person whose cared for others so much for so long. Now you show yourself that you care about you, your well being, & your dreams.”
Admittedly, I’ve spent a lot of my life being stuck in this subconscious silo. Never feeling like I belong where I’ve lived with trust issues stemming from those closest to me. I needed to break free. I’ve been burnt many times by those I’ve cared about the most, and over time I started to hurt others close to me as well as a result of my mishandling my emotions. I had lost myself in my care for others. The hurt had become reciprocal and I wanted nothing to do with anybody. All I had left is to finally care for myself. Then and only then could I properly care for others. So here I am, fulfilling my dream, showing myself love, overcoming all doubts & fears. Screw fear, I am at the point in my life where I will do whatever it takes to accomplish my goals. I have had enough of the disappointment and pain. Pain & fear no longer bother me. I decide how to handle life’s jabs. This is what I needed to do before I could do anything else and here I am doing it. It is done, accomplished. Now, I know there is nothing I can’t do. As I see to the horizon and to infinity, my heart and mind have become free as well. My consciousness, like my eyesight sees no limits, no restrictions, no pain, no regret, just me and a blank slate of the world. Whatever I write on this slate from here on is mine. It’s a chance to start fresh. I am proud of myself, truly proud. Nothing else matters in this moment except for me, and it feels great! For all the time I’ve spent being my own worst critic, listening too well to the critique of others, putting others before me, I finally learned how to love myself in the best way possible. I see too many people define their happiness by their love for others and I too have been guilty of this in the past. I felt the pain of that dependent happiness being ripped away several times. Finally, I’ve reached the point where I need no one else to be happy, or joyful. Here, by myself, I have found peace. Peace within my heart, my mind & my soul.
Now I sit a top this rocky island, listening to my favorite songs: Paul van Dyk – Nothing but you & Solarstone – Jewel. This moment is mine & I have found inner peace. This trance music has given me the uplifting spirit I’ve so often needed at times I’ve felt down or out of energy. Here I am at my pinnacle, reaching higher. Where might I go next? Happy thoughts are all the cross my mind as well as the feeling of being present in this amazingly fulfilling moment.
I start to wonder… “So what’s next?” Here, I found peace and anything else I’ll ever want to do for the rest of my life will never be on the same level as this. THIS was my #1 goal and I accomplished it. This was my #1 item on my bucket list. Do I just now go down the list? I feel now not a sense of disappointment or lack of enthusiasm, yet a knowing that because I accomplished my #1 goal that now there is nothing I cannot do. I feel a sense of power that I’ve never had before. Nothing is impossible. I CAN do whatever I set out to do. I have done it. This is the proof.
Whatever happens next in my life, I’ll be ready. I am now above the limits of anyone or anything this world has placed on me, and above all else I am above any limits I’ve seen for myself. I see above and past everything. I have never felt better. I am complete. I didn’t need anyone else. All I needed was me and the belief in something better for myself.
“My dream has come true. To experience a world of infinite beauty, to later see the milky way for the 1st time in 20 years. Today I see beauty in this world & the universe at its finest. I need few words for a day & night like today.”